5 Reasons to Despise the Perfidious Aeldari
Attention Guardsman! Do *you* truly possess the zeal to purge the Aeldari? While these xenos may superficially resemble Humans in the vaguest sense, and while they may not be as outwardly repulsive as one of the Hrud or an Enslaver, they are no less disgusting or wanton. Most of all, despite their claims to be the true inheritors of the galaxy, theirs is a degenerate and crippled empire obsessed with past glories and riven by millennia-old schisms. Gathered here are five of the many thousand ways in which the Aeldari are inferior to Humans:
1: The Aeldari have no respect for the dead!
To list every perverse custom of the Aeldari would take a volume far longer than these informative pages, but among the most vile are their rites for treating the dead. Too cowardly and sparse to send their living into battle, they instead trap the souls of the fallen in heretical rituals and use them to power their war-constructs.*
2: The Aeldari are over-specialised!
The Aeldari are notoriously inflexible in the ways of war. Aeldari warriors are either citizen-soldiers known as Guardians – who are more at home arranging flowers, baking or dancing than they are fighting – or members of archaic martial cults known as ?Aspects?. While these warriors may excel at a single role on the battlefield, each has a dozen other weaknesses to exploit. ?Dark Reapers? won?t be doing much reaping on the end of a bayonet, while the only howling the ?Howling Banshees? will be doing is crying lamentations at the mighty stopping power of the lasgun.**
3: The Aeldari rely on foul warp-craft!
Without the technology, numbers or sheer determination of Humanity, the Aeldari are forced to rely on the unholy powers of the warp. Such is their perfidy that they cannot even commit witchcraft in a forthright manner, relying on sly manipulation of causality rather than more direct means.
Some Aeldari groupings are even known to field entire formations of witches – a desperate and foolish act that the Imperium would never countenance without the encouraging presence of a nearby Commissar.
4: The Aeldari covet the might of our tanks!
It is well known that the Aeldari envy our heavy armour, lacking the mechanical talent of the Adeptus Mechanicus and instead forced to rely on brittle and unreliable psychoplastics. Do not waste krak grenades on assaulting these vehicles – a stone, thrown with enough force, should more than suffice in piercing their flimsy armour and most likely killing the pilot within.
Indeed, the Aeldari will, where possible, attempt to steal our tanks for their own ends. We asked an illustrator-adept to sketch just what this might look like.
A horrific assault on both good taste and the sanctity of the machine, is it not? If you ever find yourself in need of a short burst of hatred, simply recall this image.
5: The Aeldari have never lifted a finger to help Mankind!
It may be tempting in desperate circumstances to enlist the help of rogue Aeldari elements – sometimes known as Rangers, or Corsairs – in dealing with more obviously undesirable foes. Do not waste your time! As our inferiors in every way, the Aeldari will provide little aid in combat, and will flee at the first sign of danger. Never have these foul xenos provided meaningful aid to the Imperium – not in the darkest days of the Heresy, nor with the opening of the Cicatrix Maledictum!
Remember Guardsman – the universe will not be safe for humanity until every last one of these foul creatures is dead. Trust in your lasgun, your faith in the Emperor, and your dauntless hatred, and you have nothing to fear.
Thought for the day: ?Survival is no birthright, but a prize wrested from an uncaring galaxy by forgotten heroes.?
*Worry not, Guardsmen! When you die, your remains will be treated with the utmost respect. You may find yourself interred within a Wall of Martyrs, transformed into a Servo Skull, or, for Chapter Serfs, reborn as a righteous weapon entombed in a Skyspear warhead.
**Meanwhile, a good Guardsman may find himself engaged in entrenchment duty, sniping, melee combat, rudimentary battlefield medicine and even mess duty within the space of 10 standard minutes, and will demonstrate equal competence in each.
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