The Wondrous Flamer
Greetings, Guardsmen! The Adepta Sororitas have been so impressed with your faith that they have provided us with a generous gift indeed ? enough flamers to equip your entire regiment! […]
Greetings, Guardsmen! The Adepta Sororitas have been so impressed with your faith that they have provided us with a generous gift indeed ? enough flamers to equip your entire regiment! The flamer is a magnificent weapon, second only to the lasgun in effectiveness and ideal for your purposes. We have produced a small booklet to assist in the transition from traditional weapons to flamers.
THE WONDROUS FLAMER
Why You Need One
While leaving the corpses of xenos, traitors and heretics where they fall would definitely lend a certain ambience to the settlements we build in their place, a number of sociological studies have shown that excessive (non-human) remains reduce worker productivity to a degree uncorrectable by additional floggings. As such, our cleanup crews bravely work to refine such remains into more useful forms ? namely vast, burning pyres.
With a flamer in hand, you?ll get to skip right to the ?vast corpse inferno? stage, thus saving time for hygiene servitors and, in more serious cases of infestation, heating costs.
It?s Easy to Aim!
All Guardsmen are drilled in pin-point accuracy, ensuring that every lasgun bolt hits home with peerless precision. If the enemy obstinately refuses to remain in the same location during the projectile?s flight, that is merely an indication of their cowardice.
The flamer is nigh impossible to miss with, projecting a conical spray of hot vengeance directly in front of you. It?s so simple, even a Guardsman blinded by battlefield injury could hit a Harlequin Solitaire with one.*
It Promotes Bravery!
For some cowardly guardsmen, the maximal range of their lasgun is seen as a suggestion rather than a warning.** The flamer permits no such cowardice ? it is a weapon whose short range is a call to heroism. By the time the enemy is in flamer range, they will also be in charge range. The Adeptus Mechanicus are hard at work trying to design a bayonet lug compatible with the flamer, and we are assured that one will be making its way to production lines within the next few millennia. Truly, we live in an age of wonders!
Enjoy purging, Guardsmen!
++ Thought for the Day: A weapon cannot substitute for zeal. ++
* In light of this, blindness is now no longer a disqualifying factor for those being conscripted into the Astra Militarum. Ability should be no obstacle to martyrdom!
** As such, all Guardsmen are henceforth forbidden from knowing the maximum operational range of any weaponry.
Powered by WPeMatico